60 Ways To Kill Rothion
by AngelEyes87
Summary: Join Rothion, Sophitia Alexandra's poor husband, as he gets killed 60 times in hilarious ways! Guest authors are very much welcomed...R&R please!
1. Death by Patroklos and Pyrrha

**A/N: **You know, after spending five months on this site I have had a look around in the Soul Calibur section and noticed there isn't any Rothion central based stories on here so I thought I'll be the first one to do it! Now let me clear this up right away, I have nothing against Rothion who is married to the Greek warrioress Sophitia Alexandra but I find him interesting to say the least. I perceive him as a long-suffering husband who sometimes finds it very hard to understand why Sophitia keeps on going on these missions to destroy Soul Edge. I know that some readers on here don't like him much so this story will be a real treat for you! Remember that this is a story that it not to be taken seriously :)

**Disclaimer: **All the Soul Calibur characters belong to Namco, and not me.

Death by Patroklos and Pyrrha

By AngelEyes87

After a long gruelling day of work, an exhausted Rothion was walking home. He wiped the sweat that was gathering at his brow and shook off the humid Mediterranean weather. _My Gods, being a blacksmith is really hard!_ At the tender age of eighteen Rothion had excelled in the art of creating and strengthening all sorts of weapons. The business had run through the family, passing on blacksmith secrets from one generation to the next. Rothion was fortunate to learn the trade as his father taught him the same technique that Rothion's grandfather had taught him. Now at the age of twenty five he was an accomplished blacksmith and had his own workshop in the city of Athens where he lived with his wife and two children. A grin appeared on his face as an image of his precious son and daughter filled his mind. Rothion loved them more than anything in the world. Suddenly his wide smile had faltered a little as something sharp in the pocket of his trousers pressed against his leg.

It was unlike any other ordinary day as a strange thing had occurred. Silas, one of his regular customers, came into the shop to get the blade of his sword sharpened. Both men had a friendly talk, just catching up on old times while the sword was being done. Just before Silas left with his sword, he gave Rothion a weird looking shard. Rothion had never encountered a shard like this in his entire life up until now. The rough fragment shone a bright red and there was something sinister about it. To say the least Rothion was curious and he questioned his friend on where got the shard from. Silas calmly replied, saying that he had found it along the shard of the road and thought that Rothion might be interested in it. Immediately he put it in his pocket so that he can possibly find something about it when he got home. _Hmm, I wonder what Sophitia would say when she'll see it, _Rothion mused as he neared the door of his house, opening it.

He stepped inside, closing the door behind him with a thud. "Honey, I'm home!"

On cue, a beautiful blonde haired woman entered the room. Sophitia sent her husband a bright smile as she run up to him, throwing herself into his opened arms. They shared a warm embrace.

"Welcome home, dearest," she said, pulling back. Rothion gave his wife a small kiss. Sophitia turned around and called out gently, "Patroklos, Pyrrha! Your father is here."

"DADDY, DADDY, DADDY!"

Rothion was tackled to the floor by two young children; a boy and a girl. He chuckled as he tried to sit up as Pyrrha and her brother spread tender kisses all over his face. Eventually Sophitia gently pushed her children aside while helping her husband to his feet again.

The two kids stared up at Rothion, their faces were lit up. "We missed you all day daddy. Mummy made us a LOT of chocolate chip cookies and it took us ages to finish them!"

"And we went to Pallas Athena's temple to give thanks to her and the Gods!"

"Okay my darlings, calm down!" Sophitia giggled girlishly. "Daddy needs his rest so why don't you go and play quietly."

Obeying her, both children walked away and started playing a game with each other. Sophitia turned her head and caught Rothion looking at her. He grinned boyishly at his wife of only four years.

"Looks like you had a busy day with the little ones today," commented Rothion.

"Yes, I did," she confirmed, nodding. "Cassandra visited us for a few hours before helping dad with the bakery shop." Sophitia paused for a second, staring at Rothion with affection in her emerald eyes. "So how has your day been?"

Rothion sat down on a chair and pulled her onto his lap. "It was fine thanks. A bit unusual though…"

"Why?" Sophitia asked curiously. She just hoped that everything with his business was all right. Just a few weeks back some loud-mouthed, cocky teenagers gave Rothion verbal abuse after him refusing to sell them any swords as they were underaged. If Sophitia were there when they started on her husband then they wouldn't be worth living! She would slap them both harshly around the head and drag them by their ear to their parents' house and tell them what their sons have been up to.

"Silas came into the shop and gave me this," Rothion said as he reached down into his pocket and pulled out the shard.

Sophitia's eyes widened in fear as she stared down at the glowing red shard. For as long as she shall live she would never forget the vile enchantment. _Soul Edge! _The old scars that were inflicted on her body after battling Cervantes were starting to ache and Sophitia settled her hand on her lower abdomen, wincing with pain. This could only mean one thing…Soul Edge was back yet again. It had been four years since her last quest to destroy it once and for all but from what she heard, a group of Asian warriors defeated Nightmare, the wielder of the sword. If the sword was shattered then why did it still exist? Rothion looked at his wife strangely as she bolted up from his lap, gasping loudly.

"Rothion, you HAVE to get rid of it. It's a shard of Soul Edge!"

"Impossible!" Rothion laughed heartedly. "Why would you think that it's Soul-"

Rothion broke off as he peered at his children, giving him the shock of his life. _What in the world?! _ Both Pyrrha and Patroklos' eyes had turned red as blood and their teeth grew into tiny but sharp fangs. Rothion started to whimper as he slowly stood up from his chair while watching his daughter's head turn an entire three-sixty degrees turn. Shit, this was like an exorcist! The children approached Rothion in a zombie-like manner, never taking their eyes off the shard in the palm of his hand. He helplessly looked at his wife and was stunned when she shot him a glare.

"I told YOU to throw it away," Sophitia scowled. "but no, you wouldn't listen to me at all!"

Rothion gasped, obviously offended by what she had said. "Oh, so it's MY fault then? You're the one who gave birth to demon children! See, they get it from your side of the FAMILY! My family is normal unlike your family who suffers from anything freakish!"

Sophitia and Rothion were unaware that the children were coming even closer and closer as they were involved in an argument, trying to score points.

Sophitia drawled sarcastically. "Oh please! Your cousin Troy is hairy all over his body so it's no WONDER that he is mistaken for a grizzly bear all the time!"

"Why, you little-OUCHHHHHH!"

His agonised scream filled the room as Pyrrha bit him on the finger as hard as she could. The shard was released into the air as a result and it landed near the feet of Sophitia. She could only watch in horror as both her son and daughter shoved Rothion to the ground and climbed over his struggling body, clawing and biting at him like animals.

"BAD DEMON BRATS, GET OFF ME! I AM YOUR FATHER FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!" Rothion yelled in pain as Pyrrha and Patroklos took turns in beating him up. "WHY DON'T YOU ATTACK SOMEONE ELSE?! ARGHHHHH, MY MANHOOD!"

Deciding that enough was enough Sophitia made up her mind and picked up the shard that caused the children to act crazy. She could no longer watch this any further so with a determined look upon her face; she threw the shard of Soul Edge out of the window.

"Enough!" she announced sharply. Abruptly Patroklos and Pyrrha stopped attacking their father and climbed off him as Rothion emitted a low groan. Thankfully the children were back to their normal selves but that couldn't be said for her husband. Rothion was lying still on the floor, covered with blood while his eyes were shut. Sophitia cringed at the nasty cuts on his body and kneeled down, putting her head on his chest to see if he was still breathing or not. Her worst fears had been confirmed and she scrambled to her feet with a sob.

The children knew that they were instantly in trouble when Sophitia angrily planted her hands on her hips while glowering at the both of them.

"Now look at what you've done – you've killed your father!" Sophitia exclaimed furiously. "GO TO YOUR ROOMS RIGHT NOW!"

**A/N: **Oh dear, I don't think any parent would like it if they had to deal with Pyrrha and Patroklos when they turn into demons hehe. Well, one down and only 59 to go! Also I am letting guest authors to contribute their own chapters to this so if you want to then don't hesitate to send them to me via email. My email address is **PWF-TEMPTRESS(at)hotmail(dot)uk**


	2. Death by Sniper Shot

**A/N: **It's cool to see fans of _A Problem Aired is A Problem Shared _reading this story so I'm pleased! I would like to thank those who have reviewed and they are Link Guru, Jamester211, Passerbywanderer, Highwayman Myth, Not Jack Frost, Razer Athane, Firestrider, Major Mike Powell III, Lacuna Lily, Paladin Dragoon and Icy Cake. All your support means quite a lot to me so thanks. Since Firestrider has a thing against Rothion and wants to kill him by a sniper so this chapter is dedicated to him! 

**Disclaimer: **All the Soul Calibur characters belong to Namco, and not me.

Death by Sniper Shot

By AngelEyes87

Firestrider wasn't someone to mess with as he was a man on a mission. Ever since Rothion entered his life a couple of years ago Firestrider had a personal vendetta against him. The rivalry had all started when Sophitia had just came back after her first quest to destroy Soul Edge and she was carried back to Athens by a mysterious Japanese ninja. Firestrider and Cassandra had witnessed this event and when the woman left they tended to Sophitia's wounds and injuries. In time Sophitia healed completely and to thank him for all the good things he had done for her she decided to spend some time with him. Within a few weeks a new friendship was born and they became such close friends. During the next three years everything was peaceful and naturally Firestrider fell in love with the attractive Greek. Most of the time he wanted to tell her how he felt for her however he just couldn't summon the courage within him to do it despite how hard he tried. But one dreadful day everything changed for the worst…

Whilst coming back from the market place Sophitia had collapsed after envisioning something unbelievable. She saw visions of a fearful figure in azure armour along with a tainted and evil sword, spreading calamity across the entire world. Sophitia's instincts came into play and she somehow knew the sword had revived. But little did she know that Soul Edge had a new host. An astonished Firestrider watched as this absolute stranger carried Sophitia back home. This man was instantly a threat to Firestrider as he came to visit Sophitia everyday to nurse her better. Much to Firestrider's disbelief Rothion and Sophitia fell in love with each other and soon got betrothed. Inevitably she had received an oracle from Hephaestus, confirming that Soul Edge still existed and to aid her on her quest Rothion created a new sword and shield for her out of holy ore. Within months of leaving her homeland in search of the sword Sophitia had returned home and she was immediately married to Rothion. Ever since that day Firestrider had sworn vengeance on Rothion from stealing Sophitia from him. Well after so many years his dream was about to come true – Rothion would be dead and nothing nor nobody would stand in his way. Ha, he would make sure of that!

The sounds of Firestrider's boots filled the air along with the loud shouts that were usually associated with a typical normal city life. He surveyed the surroundings around him. Athens – a glorious city where the citizens worshipped all the major deities. It had been far too long since he has visited this place. The last time he had been there was to attend Sophitia's wedding and that had been four years ago. Walking around the immensely packed city Firestrider came across an unusual market stall. What was strange about the stall was that it sold all different ranges of firearms. His eyebrows quirked up in interest. _Since when did people sell such strange weapons? _He glanced at some shotguns along with a deadly looking sniper. Firestrider scratched his head, confused.

He decided to catch the attention of the stall trader. "Uh…excuse me."

"Yes Sir?" the trader replied, turning around to face Firestrider. Firestrider had a faint feeling that he had seen this man before but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. The trader had blond hair and had quite striking facial features. _That man is very familiar…I think I know him from somewhere. _It took him a few seconds to work out who the man actually was.

"Say, aren't you Jay who presents that TV show _A Problem Aired is A Problem Shared_?" he asked. Upon hearing that, the man's body stiffened.

"No!" he denied, abruptly shaking his head. However Firestrider was unconvinced.

"Are you sure? Because you REALLY do look like him."

The trader's cheeks reddened out of embarrassment. "Shall we just change the subject please? I'm a rather busy man!"

_Guilty as charged! So it is him then. _Firestrider was tempted to ask him what he was doing here in Greece of all places but opted not to. The only question that he had in mind was what the hell were firearms doing in the 16th Century. Surely they haven't been invented yet!

"Why have you got guns?" Firestrider finally asked. A charming smile appeared on Jay's face and it was so sickening that Firestrider wanted to wipe it off his face for good.

"Simple, I'm a time-traveller," Jay explained. "I travel back in the past, bringing modern and new items with me."

"Right…" Firestrider didn't know what else to say. So not only Jay was a TV presenter but he was also a time-traveller? That was very strange indeed. After spending five minutes or so Firestrider decided to buy the sniper. It would take only one shot to get the job done. He threw his head back and started to laugh evilly.

"THIS TIME I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Firestrider yelled, firing the gun directly into the sky. A dove's shrill cry pierced through the air then it was immediately followed by the bird dropping down onto the ground completely dead. He stared wide-eyed at the dove, realising what he done.

"Damn it!"

Finally it took him an hour to track down Rothion. He nearly got into trouble along the way as he mistaken two men for Rothion and shot them dead. Bloody hell, it was a complete nightmare trying to escape the crowds as they lynched him almost out of Athens. Luckily Firestrider managed to get away successfully on both occasions. Getting increasingly frustrated Firestrider was just on the verge of giving up until he had seen Rothion walking out of a bakery, which he recognised straight away. It was the bakery that was owned by Sophitia's family! With a smug expression on his face he climbed up a nearby building's wall and was perched up on top of the roof, keeping a watchful eye on Rothion. Firestrider observed as Rothion took a few steps forward and then he stopped as he was talking to an elderly woman. Firestrider's patience was rapidly waning. The time was now – Rothion had to be killed no matter what.

"Farewell Rothion!" Firestrider triumphantly said. He peered through the sniper's target lenses, pointing the gun at Rothion. Once Firestrider was satisfied with the aiming position he pulled the trigger and Rothion collapsed onto the floor with a death scream. Many people flocked over to where the dead blacksmith was, staring at the lifeless body in absolute shock and disbelief. Frankly Firestrider couldn't even care less as he was thrilled. He had succeeded in killing his rival!

"FINALLY HE'S GONE! NOW SOPHITIA WILL BE ALL MINE!"

A bearded man from the crowd peered up from Rothion's body and glared at Firestrider. _Shit, I'm in trouble now! _Firestrider didn't know what to do except from gulping in fear. Maybe he should have kept quiet rather than to shout it out loud so that everyone could hear.

"Look, up there! He's the ONE who done it!" The man accusingly pointed up at Rothion while the crowd was cracking their knuckles, absolutely furious. "GET HIM!"

**A/N: **Ha, it looks like Firestrider's wish has been fulfilled. Well…except from getting lynched a few times by an angry mob! Hope you liked it Firestrider :) I know that they did have weapons in the 16th Century but they were only rifles, not like the ones we have today. And who would have thought that Jay made an appearance in this but as a time-traveller? Well, anything is possible!


	3. Death by Cervantes

**A/N: **Sorry for the long update! I was distracted by many things including family life, university and that damn addictive Guitar Hero II. That's the game I'm playing at the moment until Soul Calibur 4 hits England during Summer lol. Anyway I would like to thank those who have reviewed and they are Major Mike Powell III, Firestrider, Razer Athane, Icy Cake, Jamester211, Not Jack Frost, Midnight Crystal Sage, Link Guru, Highwayman Myth, poop, Gerudo Girl89, SouloftheButterfly and finally Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac. Okay, since Highwayman Myth would like to see Rothion get killed by pirates then an idea suddenly hit me. I've been planning this for such a long time so this is it!

**Disclaimer: **All the Soul Calibur characters belong to Namco, and not me. Myth belongs to Highwayman Myth – he's good enough to lend me him once again :)

Death by Cervantes

By AngelEyes87

"MYTH!"

The sound of Kayley's high pitched scream instantly woken up Myth. His eyes shot wide open and just as he sat up quickly in bed his forehead collided against an overhead wooden beam with a sickening thud. Pain gathered at his temple as he clutched his forehead in agony.

"Shit…" Myth groaned. "Damn beam!"

For a moment Myth sighed deeply. He was having such a lovely dream about his girlfriend Luri, the woman that he loved. In his dream they were kissing and cuddling then one thing led to another and they were slowly undressing each other. However just as he was on the verge of making love to her Kayley had JUST chose the bloody right moment to interrupt him! Why the hell did she have to go and do that? Well it has always been the same pattern for the past few months – Myth always had that dream and he was usually interrupted by Kayley or by other annoying things. A man having sensual dreams was normally a sign of sexual frustration and Myth was slightly suffering from it. The twenty year old pirate hasn't had sex for ages – four months to be exact – and to be honest it really bothered him. That was one of the problems of sailing the sea. Before Myth met Luri he successfully managed to suppress his male urges and he noticed that many members of his former crew couldn't wait to visit the brothels when they reached shore. They were all the same – desperate for sex and they would do anything in their power to get it! But up until now Myth was finding it hard to hide his desires and it was something that he couldn't come to terms with. _God, I wish Luri was here with me…_Myth started to smile widely while thinking about her. Soon enough he would eventually return to her once again and he was counting down the days until his wish finally comes true.

"Myth, get your arse up here straight away!" Kayley ordered from a distance. Myth's smile disappeared from his face. _What the hell does she want now? _Even though Kayley was a close friend of his Myth was actually tempted to chuck her overboard sometimes. Now that would shut her up completely!

He closed his eyes for a second and replied flatly, "What is it now Kayley?"

"It's Maxi. He has got himself into yet another argument AGAIN with a passing by ship!"

"Fuck!" Myth cursed loudly as his eyes widened. This didn't look too good. Either Maxi was pissed or he was looking to start a fight with some poor unsuspecting sailors. Well there was no time like the present! Myth shot out of bed and rushed to the upper deck where a shocking sight that greeted him. _Oh God! _Indeed there was Maxi leaning over the ship's railings with a pissed off look on his face while Kayley was trying to calm him down. Myth slapped himself on the forehead. When will Maxi ever learn to keep his BIG mouth shut?!

"WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU FREAK?!" Maxi yelled furiously at the top of his voice to a nearby Italian army ship. "IF YOU EVER DARE TRY AND BOARD THIS SHIP I SWEAR I WILL KNOCK THE LIVING HELL OUT OF YOU!"

"Maxi, they are preparing the bloody canons!" Kayley hissed with venom in her voice. She tried to pull him back by the arm but he wasn't having any of it. "If they fire at us and cause our ship to sink then I'm holding YOU responsible!"

Unfortunately Maxi didn't listen to her. Myth could tell that the blonde haired girl was getting increasingly frustrated as Kayley pulled back her hand in a fist to punch Maxi on the back of the head. Instead for some strange she decided against it. If Myth were her then he would have hit Maxi without any hesitation whatsoever. Aware that none of his two friends were steering the ship Myth knew he had to think fast so he could sort out Maxi and then afterwards take control of the ship. At this rate something bad will happen. Myth started to approach Maxi without him even knowing. Maxi was immediately shocked when one of the Italian admirals from the ship gave him the finger.

Maxi's eyes burned with immense fury. "WHY YOU LITTLE MOTHER-!"

Before Maxi could finish swearing Myth violently seized him away from the barrier and glared at him. _Well he doesn't look drunk to me_. That could only mean one thing – he just wanted a fight. Maxi was renowned for his furious temper whether he was drunk or not.

"Why the HELL are you rowing with another damn ship?" Myth demanded. Maxi just stared back at him in stunned silence. "Didn't you realise it was an army ship? They would have blown us up and it's all because you can't keep quiet!"

"Myth, I can explain myself." Myth rolled his eyes up to the air while Kayley impatiently planted her hands on her hips. Great, not another one of his pathetic excuses! "The Italians were the one who started it in the first place, not me. They were making fun of my hair so I just insulted them."

Making fun of his hair? Out of all the excuses that he made up this was by far the most stupidest thing that Myth has ever heard in his entire life. He didn't know whether to have a go at him or just walk away. Myth decided to go with the latter as somehow the ship was sailing by itself without anyone tending to it. He sighed deeply before operating the ship. Kayley gave Myth a sympathetic look however he was oblivious to it. _Poor Myth. Sometimes Maxi doesn't know what he's doing sometimes. _Maxi just stood to the spot with a small smile upon his face.

"You know, I'm happy that we're all on this journey together," he admitted happily. "At least I have you guys to have fun with."

"Ha, I wonder how Xianghua and Kilik put up WITH you," Kayley murmured casually. Kilik and Xianghua recently got married after realising after many years they loved one another and currently they were on their honeymoon in Egypt.

Maxi stepped closer to Kayley, putting an arm around her waist and hugging him close to her. "Oh come on Kay…I know you had fun last night when we played card games and Myth had to run naked around the ship all because he lost."

"Yes, it was fun," she agreed, grinning widely as she remembered last night. Kayley hadn't laughed that much in months and it was thanks to good old Maxi suggesting the idea of playing card games. Kayley glanced at Myth, asking cheekily "Now what took you so long in getting back up here Myth? I hope you weren't doing anything naughty!"

At that, Maxi burst out laughing while Myth's eyebrows shot up in absolute surprise. To make it even worse he could feel his cheeks burning slightly.

"NO! If you must know I was dreaming about Luri…"

"Oh," Kayley drawled, walking over to Myth. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I didn't realise that you were missing your girlfriend. You could have let me know."

Myth sighed briefly. "She means the world to me. I think you would get on with her if you actually met her."

"I intend to," Kayley informed. Even though she hasn't met Luri she was curious about what she was like from all the good things Myth said about her. It seemed that Luri was such a special girl. "So has Maxi met her then?"

He nodded, concentrating on steering the ship. Kayley called Maxi over and as soon as he came over the first thing that came out of her mouth was "What does Luri look like anyway?"

"Luri has really long hair and these cat-like yellow eyes," Maxi explained, a glint in his eyes. "She's a very beautiful girl."

Kayley's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. "You know, with those looks she can mistaken for a witch!"

Myth shot Kayley a harsh glare, silently warning that she should quit while she was ahead. Upon seeing the angry glint in her friend's eyes, she smiled sheepishly, inwardly cursing herself for that stupid comment. _Now Myth would surely throttle me in my sleep. I guess I have to keep an eye open tonight just in case…_Maxi shrugged, obviously not intending to get involved between the two. But nonetheless he secretly did find what Kayley said was amusing. Without saying a word Maxi went to the far side of the ship while Myth was continuing to steer the ship. Kayley sighed while leaning over the railings, peering out to the azure sea, lost in thought.

Sometimes she could hardly believe that she was on a quest, something that she hasn't experienced before in the twenty years of her life. Back in her homeland of England she desperately desired for adventure so she could grow as a person and finally find her place in the world. She reminisced about the events that happened over the past four months. Kayley had fallen in love with a man ten years older than her, but the problem was that he had a lover already. Overtime her feelings towards him became stronger and she convinced herself that he too was in love. Sadly she was mistaken – one fateful night she had confessed her feelings to him, putting her heart on the line for him, but instead he kindly told her that a relationship between them would never happen and that she should concentrate on other men who would return her love. Needless to say, it came as a blow to the girl. At one point she was even tempted to set fire to the man as a way of getting her revenge. Instead Kayley considered it as a lesson and she was determined to improve on herself and in a way, become more confident as well as being mature.

Kayley first had encountered Maxi and Myth in London when they were docking for supplies while she was shopping for a dress at the time. When she got to the stall, Kayley had saw a beautiful sapphire dress and wanted to buy it before a big breasted, silver-haired, posh woman bought it before her. Inevitably Kayley had got into a heated row with the woman and it got to the point where it almost turned physical – that was until Maxi thankfully stepped in. Maxi could tell that Kayley had a fierce spirit to her and suggested that she should aid them on the quest for Soul Edge. Since the past seven years or so she has heard countless legends of the cursed sword, knowing that many fighters would want it for their own purposes, whether it be good or evil.

Without any second thoughts Kayley had accepted their offer as not only did she had taken a liking to Myth and Maxi but it could help her become a proper adult. In no time her friendship with the men strengthened and she always considered them to be older brothers to her. The one thing that had never ceased to amaze her was how much Maxi and Myth were so alike – their quests were born out of vengeance. Maxi was hunting down a fearful golem by the name of Astaroth, the bastard who had slain his entire crew along with his sworn brother when Maxi had first met Kilik in an Indian harbour. On the other hand Myth wanted revenge on Cervantes, otherwise known as the Immortal Pirate, for the massacre of his father and his crew. In her heart Kayley knew that revenge wasn't for her, but if someone tried to hurt her or the people who she cared deeply about then they were in for a world of hurt!

"Hmm, I wonder whether we will find Cervantes," she murmured to herself. Currently they were making their way to Spain in the hopes of Myth finally fulfilling his quest of revenge. It wasn't before then she could hear Maxi yelling yet again, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Yes, thanks for SHITTING on me, you fucking stupid bird!"

The next day they successfully found Cervantes' secret hideout in the coast of Spain – it was a small, deserted port. The port was notorious for its infamous inn that usually Cervantes and his crew resided there. Without being seen, they carefully had docked their ship there, armed with their weapons. Myth lowered the staircase onto land so they can easily board the port.

"After you, signora," Myth politely said. Kayley smiled at him as a way of saying thanks before walking down the stairs, soon followed by Myth and Maxi. Both Myth and Kayley were waiting for Maxi to join them, Maxi got to the last step and to their surprise, tripped and landed on the ground face first.

"I'm okay!" Maxi exclaimed, shooting up while dusting himself down. Before either the two of them can tell him off, they caught sight of a pirate walking towards them. _Oh God, this is what I need_. Myth groaned to himself. The pirate appeared to be pissed out of his head, stumbling over his feet while singing a song really badly.

The pirate smiled wolfishly at Kayley as he neared her. "You're a fine looking girl. How about me and you can go back to my place and get acquainted with each other?"

"That REALLY sounds like heaven," Kayley purred, winking. Suddenly she kicked the pirate in the stomach, screaming at the top of his voice as he lost his balance, falling into the water with a loud splash. She smiled with immense satisfaction while both men looked at her in a mixture of surprise and awe.

"How the hell-?"

Kayley had gently cut them off. "It's simple! A few years back my dad taught me how to defend myself just in case men like THAT ever tried something."

The two men and the girl crept over to where the inn was, making sure that they won't be ambushed or something like that. Silently they peered through the window, stunned at the sight that greeted them. Inside there were half a dozen pirates getting drunk at the bar while other men gathered around the piano singing pirate songs. Not only that but there were harlots in revealing clothes, throwing themselves at men. Kayley's upper lip curled in disgust. The pirates were nothing but perverts who were more interested in women who would gladly spread their legs given the chance. _I'm glad I'm not like them! _She glanced at her two male companions and her mouth widened in shock – both Myth and Maxi couldn't take their lustful eyes off the women, appearing to be in a trance. Growling, Kayley slapped them harshly around their heads.

"You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves!" she scowled. "Myth, think of Luri! Maxi…uh, just think about something other than those tarts."

"Well, I can't help it," Maxi defended, smiling slyly. "Just thinking of women makes me want to have wild, passionate-"

"If you say anymore then I won't hesitate to castrate you!" she hissed, anger flaring in her eyes.

"Guys, be quiet," Myth said firmly. "Cervantes has entered the room."

True to Myth's word, Cervantes was indeed in the room. They watched him pace around the room, smiling and greeting his fellow crewmates. All the memories came flooding back to Myth when that fateful day, Cervantes had boarded the Medusa ship, slaying everyone in sight when Myth watched helplessly. In an act of desperation, Myth tried to attack the undead pirate until Myth's father intervened, bravely fighting Cervantes. Looking back on it now, standing up to him was Myth's father's downfall as he got killed much to Myth's surprise. Cervantes could sense Myth's thirst for vengeance and threw him overboard before telling Myth he wasn't ready to face him and when the time was ripe, hunt him down. Fury rose within Myth and he narrowed his eyes at the monster who had taken away everything that was very close to him. At that moment, Myth caught a glimpse of a blond hair man dressed in Grecian clothes, instantly recognising who the man was. It was Rothion! But what on earth was he doing here out of all places? Myth knew he had to think fast.

"You see that man sitting down at the table with a drink in his hand?" Myth questioned. Both Kayley and Maxi nodded, confirming their answer. "That is Sophitia Alexandra's husband, Rothion. He could be in grave danger so we need to rescue him straight away. You don't know what Cervantes might do to him."

"What's our plan, Captain?" Kayley gently asked.

"Right, Maxi, you will guard Rothion all the time and try and protect him from any possible threats," Myth explained. "Kay, you will cover me when I'm fighting Cervantes. Understood?"

"One question though. Why can't I be your backup, Myth?" Maxi complained, slightly frowning. "I mean, I'm talented with the nunchakus so I can-"

Maxi's sentence died a quick death as Rothion moved his chair backwards, unaware that Cervantes was standing behind him. The fast movement caused Cervantes' drink to spill down him while the pirates gasped. An uncomfortable silence lingered heavily in the air as Cervantes angrily threw the glass to the floor, making it shatter. His body trembled violently as he slowly turned around to face Rothion, glowering at the Greek man. The trio could tell that something nasty was going to happen so they crept to the door, planning their ambush.

"I-I'm so sorry," Rothion stuttered, backing up as Cervantes reached for his swords, advancing towards him. "How-how about I get you another drink to make it up to you?"

"YOU SCURVY FOOL, NO ONE DOES THAT TO ME! IT'S TIME TO SAY YOUR PRAYERS!"

At that moment the door to the inn was kicked forcefully. Cervantes, Rothion and the others looked to the doorway and saw Myth along with Maxi and Kayley standing there with their weapons drawn. An evil smile appeared on Cervantes' face, staring at Myth.

"GET THEM!"

A load of pirates rushed towards them with their weapons at the ready. The trio successfully fought them off, slashing them to pieces while the harlots run for cover. While his two friends were cutting down the pirates that were in their path Maxi took this as a chance and rushed over to a now terrified Rothion while striking down pirates with his nunchakus. Rothion screamed loudly with fear as he saw Maxi heading his way and before Maxi could say something to him, Rothion pulled back his clenched fist and punched Maxi in the nose. Maxi staggered back slightly from the impact, a hand covering his nose to ease the pain.

"What the HELL did you do that for, man?" Maxi demanded, glaring at Rothion. "I'm here to protect you, NOT fucking kill you!"

"Uh, sorry," Rothion feebly apologised. "I thought you were one of them for a moment – BEHIND YOU!"

Maxi span around, blocking a man's attack. Maxi sent the man flying back with a devastating kick, smiling in triumph as he heard his enemy's back colliding with the wall. Rothion's eyes widened in fear as he saw four pirates heading their way, intending to kill both him and Maxi.

"Relax, you're not going to die," Maxi gently assured Rothion who was now cowering behind him. "Anyway what are you doing here in the first place?"

Before Rothion could reply, Maxi was fending off the pirates without any problems whatsoever. Maxi took care of the first three pirates, wildly swirling his nunchakus around. In seeing that his comrades had fallen to Maxi, the last man desperately slashed at Maxi with his sword while Maxi lowered his upper body, narrowly missing the strike that could have beheaded him. With a dark chuckle Maxi stood to his full height, took a rapid step towards the pirate. He winded the man with a quick jab to the stomach then stepped to the side, striking the man's face with a boot, holding his foot there while attacking the man with a deadly blow with his nunchakus, sending the man flying to the floor. Maxi sighed, turning around to face Rothion once again.

"You were saying?"

"I just came here for a drink, that's all," Rothion explained. "I'm waiting for one of my friends to meet me here so we can discuss blacksmith techniques."

A beautiful red headed harlot approached Maxi. "My, you're a strong man. Say, why don't we go over there and get to know each other? Then if you're really lucky then maybe I can give you a lap dance…."

"You're on!" Maxi happily exclaimed. A stunned Rothion watched as Maxi and the harlot walked away, not believing what had just happened.

"Oi!" Rothion called loudly after Maxi who obviously wasn't taking any notice. "I thought you were protecting me! Get back here, you sex-mad lout!"

Meanwhile on the other side of the room, both Kayley and Myth were fighting Cervantes, having slain the rest of the pirates. Cervantes easily guarded every attack that was being thrown at him, laughing madly to mock them, especially Myth. _I hate to admit it, but the boy has certainly improved_. He was mildly surprised when he unleashed a swift deadly attack and Myth parried it, their swords locking in place. Cervantes' eyes drifted to where Rothion was standing alone, noticing that the Asian warrior was too busy with the harlot. Rothion was nothing but a sitting duck. Cervantes kicked Myth to one side, unlocking their swords. He raised Nirvana, one of the swords that had a pistol and fired at Rothion, completely missing him. Cervantes cursed himself for his foolishness and then charged at Rothion at a fast rate thanks to his supernatural powers. Before Rothion knew what had hit him, he was launched high into the air and a moment later he landed on the ground with a sickening crush. In seeing that Rothion's body wasn't moving, Cervantes chuckled.

"It would seem, matey, that your luck has run out."

Without Cervantes knowing, Myth plunged his sword into his back, instantly killing the dreaded pirate. When Cervantes' dead body slumped to the floor, Kayley smiled widely and hugged Myth. It had been one hell of a gruelling adventure but finally Myth had finally avenged his father and crew. He was on the top of the world until he noticed Rothion's corpse lying there. _Shit, shit and double shit! _Both Kayley and Myth angrily marched over to where Maxi was. Instantly Maxi stopped talking to the prostitute, smiling at both his furious friends.

"Oh, so we're done now?" Maxi asked cheekily. Myth and the harlot winced in pain as Kayley slapped Maxi around the face.

"You were supposed to be watching over Rothion, shit-head!" she yelled at him. "If it weren't for you talking with that SLUT then Rothion wouldn't have been killed!"

"Oops…"

"That's it!" Myth snarled, seizing Maxi by the arm and dragging him to the exit while Kayley was following them. "We are going to Greece now where you can explain to Sophitia that her damn husband is DEAD!"

Maxi tried to escape from Myth's strong grip, calling out before he got pulled out of the inn, "Don't worry, honey, when I come back you can give me that lap dance you promised me!"

**A/N: **So far, this was the longest chapter and I hoped you enjoyed it. By the way, if you wondering who Kayley is then it's me :) Anyway if you're a Tekken fan then I've got good news for you – I have a Tekken story up already by the name of _Grace and Beauty _so be sure to check it out!


	4. Death by Link

**Hi, Midnight Crystal Sage here! Apparently, I've inspired AngelEyes87 to do this little story thanks to my crackilicious creation, "100 Ways to Kill Ilia." Since she was kind enough to read, review, and even contribute a chapter to my fic, I can't do anything but return the favor!**

**So enjoy this retarded piece I've come up with!**

Death by Link

(by Midnight Crystal Sage)

"YO WAKE UP ELF DUDE! IT'S DINNER TIME!"

"It's three in the morning, you duckbutt…" Link said to a rambunctious Astaroth as he angrily opened his eyes to glare at the purple goliath.

Talim, who was sleeping in the next bed, grabbed one of her tonfas and threw it at Astaroth, nailing him in the head and leaving a huge black bruise on his forehead, "DUDE WHAT HIT ME?!"

"Shut up, and go to bed…" the wind charmer begged, placing her pillow over her head.

The Hylian looked up at the purple Hellspawn and knowingly asked, "…You're drunk, aren't you?"

"WHAT?! I ONLY HAD 70 BEERS!!"

Link sweatdropped and got out of bed as he grabbed his emerald green tunic and threw it on, "Screw this, I'm going for a walk…"

Astaroth skipped out of the room, and tried to jump down the stairs, but he tripped and fell. He was sent tumbling down the stairs, breaking a few steps in the process before landing at the bottom. When Link arrived on the first floor, he passed by the violet skinned ax weilder, who was now stuck in the wall with his backside thrashing about to try and free himself.

The elf shook his head as he strolled into the kitchen, where Ivy, Raphael, and his girlfriend, Tira, happened to be sitting.

"Hey, you…" the green-haired girl greeted him, giving Link a swift kiss on the cheek, "Think you could do me a favor?"

"Sure, anything…" he replied, grabbing a glazed donut from out of the box sitting on the breakfast table.

Tira whipped out a pink and ivory shield with beige inlays upon it, "Sophitia left this here yesterday, think you could take it back to her?"

"Sure, I was about to go for a walk anyway…"

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy that it hurts..." Raphael sang off-key as he danced like a drunken elephant on the table. Ivy, who had pretty much had enough of the Frenchman's antics, stood up and kicked him through the window

Raphael suddenly shouted, "YEAH, MOTORBIKE, BITCH!!"

Ivy facefaulted, "Please kill me…"

Link decided to take his leave and began to make his way to Sophitia's house.

--Ten Minutes Later—

"HONEY! WE'VE GOT BUTTMONKEYS AGAIN!!" was the first thing Link heard as he stepped onto the porch of Sophitia's home. He looked to his right and saw a small snow monkey sitting in a chair, looking at Link with black, button eyes.

The blond briskly knocked on the wooden door, and only had to wait a few seconds before Pyrrha answered the door, "Hi, Mister Gnome. Daddy's gone crazy again…"

Link nearly fell over, but he kept his cool and walked inside the house.

It was utter chaos, to say the least…

The kids were jumping on the couch, Rothion was throwing tons of expensive vases and such around the room, and Cassandra was sitting on the dining room table, making out with a watermelon.

Feeling his sanity beginning to lessen, he went into the kitchen and found Sophitia, who was humming to herself as she placed a fresh tray of chocolate chip cookies on the counter, "Oh hey, Link."

"Hi… Sophitia?"

"I suspect you've seen the idiocracy in the living room?" she asked knowingly.

"Uh… yeeeeah…" the Hylian said, his eyes shifting to the living, where Cassandra was now humping the watermelon. He turned back to the warrioress and handed her the shield, "You left this at my house, Tira wanted me to return it to you."

"Aw, how kind of you, Link. Thanks," the mother of two replied gratefully as she accepted the weapon.

Link turned around and proceeded to walk out the house when Rothion opened his big mouth, "Hey Honey! It's Peter Pan!"

The blonde stopped in his tracks and looked at the man with death in his eyes, _'WHAT THE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK DID HE JUST CALL ME?!'_

"Yo, Rothion, come'ere right quick, yeah?" Link asked, pulling out a bomb. Rothion came over to him and Link gave him the bomb, "Eat this. It'll let you fly."

"Yay!" Rothion swallowed the explosive whole and ran outside.

Three seconds later, the house violently shook as a sonic boom ripped through the air.

**Okay, that's my piece. Hope this passed the test. Thanks, and keep on writing, AngelEyes!**

**--Midnight Crystal Sage**

**AE87: **lmao, I really loved this xD Trust Rothion to confuse Link with Peter Pan, lol. And yeah, I'll keep on writing.


	5. Death by Solid Snake

Author's Note:

Hey folks, Highwayman Myth here. Ever since my girlfriend AngelEyes87 started this fic (which was before our relationship) I wanted to kill off Rothion in a way that no one else could think of. Well… I did it in a way that no one would even dare think of, by having Solid Snake do the honors. I'm a Metal Gear fan as well as a Soul Calibur fan. So I was bound to cross the boundaries and kill off Rothion in this way. The Metal Gear that I threw Rothion in is no particular model. But the radome feature does seem to make it more towards Metal Gear Rex. Anywho, enjoy and review.

Disclaimer: I ain't the owner of Metal Gear or Soul Calibur. Metal Gear is owned by Kojima Productions, which is a division of Konami. Soul Calibur is owned by Project Soul, which is a division of NamcoBandai Games.

Death by Solid Snake

By Highwayman Myth

One day Rothion was praying to the gods to help him either forge or acquire the ultimate weapon. But he was hoping for something that wasn't Soul Edge. He was hoping with this ultimate weapon he could defeat the Azure Knight once and for all so his beautiful wife Sophitia didn't have to be away. But she left for the sake of their children this time.

It pained him to have his wife away. She was one of the most beautiful women in Athens. But that damned sword is what's driving her away from him. He didn't marry her so he could have an empty spot next to him in the bed for crying out loud. No, he married her so his bed wouldn't be the loneliest place in the world. He loved her, cherished her, and even had two beautiful children with her. They dreamed after her second quest that they'd live a normal life and raise their children.

But it was that sword's fault. As long as it existed, she'd have to fight it. And as long as she had to fight against the sword, he'd have to watch the kids and not get laid after they went to sleep. A guy could only masturbate for so long. He needed her, or else he'd have the hairiest palm in all of Greece. Therefore he'd need a weapon to defeat both Soul Edge and Nightmare.

After the gods have been silent for so long, he heard footsteps. He turned around to see a man who diffidently wasn't Greek. His attire consisted of a duster, spurs, two gun belts (one hanging from his right shoulder diagonal to his left side), the traditional garb of gunslingers in spaghetti westerns, as well as a black armband on his left arm. In the visible holster was a Colt Single Action Army revolver. Of course, Rothion didn't know what a spaghetti western or what a revolver was. Or even why this man was here.

"Who are you?" Rothion asked.

"Just a comrade," the man answered.

"What's your name, comrade?" the blacksmith now asked.

"They call me Shalashaska, but I'm also known as Revolver Ocelot."

"What do you want with me?"

"To give you the ultimate weapon," Ocelot, answered.

"Did the gods send you?" he asked.

"No"

"Then who?" Rothion now questioned.

"The Patriots," Ocelot replied.

Whoever these 'Patriots' were, they were convincing. The words "ultimate" and "weapon" had caught Rothion hook, line, and sinker. With whatever this weapon is; he could have his wife back and give his hand a rest. This made him smile evilly. He followed Ocelot outside to see a contraption as big as the Colossus. As he was gazing at it with awe, Ocelot injected him with a needle.

"What was that?" Rothion asked.

"I've just injected you with nanomachines. They will give you the ability to operate this Metal Gear by instinct. This way you won't have to learn how to use it."

Rothion didn't know what nanomachines were, but he did know that Ocelot wouldn't double-cross him… yet. He climbed in the machine and started to operate it. Even though he never used something like this ever in his life, he operated like he had been doing it for years.

"_Whatever that stuff from that needle is, it must be magic," _he thought.

Right as he got it moving, the Colossus appeared in the shrine. Rothion knew what to do without even thinking about it. He fired an anti-tank missile from the Metal Gear to the Colossus' chest. At impact the Colossus exploded and pieces of it where everywhere. This was proof that the Metal Gear was indeed the ultimate weapon. Rothion's next target was Nightmare and Soul Edge. But there was one problem; he didn't know where to look.

"Ocelot, this Metal Gear thingy is cool and all, but how do I locate Nightmare?"

"This particular Metal Gear has a Soul Edge energy sensor. It should help you find the Azure Knight!" Ocelot replied.

"Thanks!" Rothion said as he went searching for Nightmare.

When Rothion found the Azure Knight, he just finished off an army. Swords and firearms of the current age were futile against Nightmare. But Rothion had a weapon from the future. And this weapon brought down the mighty Colossus. Therefore, one knight with the cursed sword would be no problem. When Rothion got the Metal gear in range, he fired the Vulcan Machine Guns.

"What the fuck!" Nightmare yelled as he was caught in a hail of gunfire.

When Rothion stopped, Nightmare was still stunned by the shock of the bullets. Such a weapon had never attacked the Azure Knight. Nor did he have to fight something as big as a Metal Gear before. For once in the embodiment of Soul Edge's life, he wasn't sure. Even back when it used Siegfried as a host did it ever fight such a true monstrosity. But here it was, the cursed sword's ultimate opponent. The thing that would take away Soul Edge's title of the ultimate weapon in the future, Metal Gear.

Rothion didn't even give Nightmare half a chance. He fired a missile at the Azure Knight. The next thing you knew, pieces of scorched and heavily damaged armor were everywhere. All that was left was the sword itself. Rothion then used the massive bipedal tank and stomped on Soul Edge until it was no more. He had done it, the one thing his wife had been trying for years. He destroyed the blade that Hephaestus hated because he wasn't the one to forge it. Rothion had destroyed Soul Edge.

His victory was short lived however. A man with a mullet wearing a navy blue bandana was walking his way with a RPG-7. Rothion didn't know who the man was or what was the thing he had. But he did get a call on the Metal Gear's radio. The caller was Ocelot.

"Have you destroyed Soul Edge?" the Russian gunslinger asked.

"Yeah, but there is some man with a mullet wearing a navy blue bandana heading my way," the Greek blacksmith replied.

"Figures, that man is Solid Snake. He's been known for destroying Metal Gears."

"WHAT! You mean to tell me that there is a guy who can destroy this thing is heading my way?" Rothion panicked.

"Yes, but if you kill him now… you won't have anything to worry about," were Ocelot's last words to him.

Before Rothion could get a decent aim, a young handsome man with long blond hair destroyed the radome with his sword. Sorry fan girls, the man wasn't Siegfried. This blond was Raiden, the protagonist from Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.

Since the radome was damaged, Rothion had to open the cockpit to see his two opponents. But as soon as he opened the cockpit, Snake fired the RPG-7. Without the armored protection of the closed cockpit, this was bad. The rocket hit and the Metal Gear exploded, killing Rothion in the process. Rothion achieved his goal of destroying Soul Edge so he could have his wife back, but didn't even get to have sex with her in celebration. Talk about an ironic death.

"Hey Snake, why did Ocelot do all this just to kill Rothion?" Raiden asked.

"I have no idea Raiden, but I do know what this means," Snake said with a grin.

"What Snake?" Raiden now asked.

Snake looked at him and said, "This means Sophitia's single."

Before Snake knew it, Raiden was running to get to Sophitia first. So he grabbed his Socom pistol and said, "Oh no you don't pretty boy."

**AE87: **Hehe, that was awesome! It sounds like Rothion is suffering from sexual frustration then, poor thing...Ah well, I loved it when he managed to destroy Nightmare along with the sword xD Oh, and I'll be doing the next chapter and it involves Talim and her tonfas :)


	6. Death by Swinging Tonfas

**A/N: **Well, since the last two chapters were contributed by Midnight Crystal Sage and Highwayman Myth, I thought I might write a chapter of my own :) I want to thank them for writing funny chapters and also for her kind words of encouragement. Also I want to thank those who have reviewed and they are Jamester211, Unknown, Major Mike Powell III, Razer Athane, Hana Goldflower, Paladin Dragoon, Link Guru, SephirothBeatrix, Lord Destroyer, Icy Cake, Biohazard 101 and finally BassGS. Since Lord Destroyer suggested numerous ways of killing Rothion I have decided to use one of them and yes, it involves Talim!

**Disclaimer: **All the Soul Calibur characters belong to Namco, and not me.

Death by Swinging Tonfas

By AngelEyes87

"THAT'S IT!"

A very shocked Talim literally jumped a mile into the air, completely taken by surprise at the sound of a highly pissed off male. From her sitting position on the fresh grass Talim glanced around in every direction, trying to look for the source of the voice, but to her disbelief, there was no one in sight. Talim shrugged her shoulders slightly while hugging her knees to her chest, a soft smile appearing on her pretty face. _It must have been my imagination I guess…_

For the first time in four months to be exact Talim was relaxing, just soaking up the sun while losing herself in the vast beauty of nature. During her travels with a Korean man, who were three years her senior, she had absolutely no time to herself as both of them were seeking the cursed sword, Soul Edge. Deep down in her heart Talim knew the sword was said to be evil and it was her mission to destroy it for the good of mankind. Back in her village, she was known as the last priestess of the winds and all of the people looked up to her as she was able to read the changes within the winds, amongst other special abilities involving the sacred element of air.

With her gentle spirit and a pure desire for adventure, she had dismissed her elders despite their constant warnings. Talim knew they meant well by insisting it wasn't in her place to complete such a dangerous task. However that just wasn't the case…From an early age her parents taught her to stand up for her beliefs, encouraging her on the path of righteousness, freedom and justice. Now at the age of fifteen she had grown into a mature young woman with a strong sense of pride and dignity to her. At times she would often think of what her parents thought about her…Sighing deeply, she pushed all those kind of thoughts to the back of her head. _Now is not the time to think things like that. _She should be enjoying herself, instead of worrying about her village.

At that moment a white rabbit neared her while Talim watched in interest, the wind blowing through her ruffled dark hair. For as long as she could remember Talim has been such a sucker for animals, especially rabbits and birds. The creature stopped a few inches from where her feet were, raised its head and looked up at Talim with the cutest bright eyes she had ever seen. Talim giggled girlishly while putting her legs flat down on the ground, stroking the rabbit's long ears tenderly. The rabbit seemed to enjoy the girl's petting as it rested its head on her lap, its nose slightly bobbing up and down in the most adorable way. Talim's heart melted instantly, grinning widely.

"Aww!" she crooned babyishly as she picked up the rabbit with two hands. She lovingly cuddled the animal to her. "Who's the sweetest? Yes, you are! I know…I'll call you Mr Snuggles! I'll look after you and take care of you and-"

"YO, TALIM! ARE YOU DEAF OR WHAT?!"

Talim yelped loudly, immediately flinging the rabbit away while covering her ears in the process. A few seconds later, her hands dropped from her head, focusing her attention on the creature - the rabbit appeared not to be moving. She gasped loudly as the terrible realisation dawned upon her. _Oh no, I've actually killed Mr Snuggles! _Soon enough her anguish turned into fury – if it weren't for that stupid fool yelling at her then this wouldn't have happened at all! Angrily she peered over her shoulderto see Yun Sung heading her way with a look of immense fury on his face. She rolled her eyes, wondering why the hell he was in a foul mood this time…

It wasn't before long that Yun Sung was standing a few yards away from her. An awkward silence lingered in the air as his gaze was set on the dead rabbit, bewilderment in his eyes. Talim grimaced as Yun Sung turned his head and raised his eyebrows at her. Great, now he must have thought that she had killed the damn animal! Before Talim tried to explain everything, she was caught off guard as the corners of his mouth lifted in a small smile.

"Oh, good…we can have that for our dinner!"

Talim glared fiercely at her male companion in response. "Must you always be so insensitive ALL the time?!"

"Say what?" Yun Sung exclaimed in surprise, obviously offended by what she said. Talim shook her head sadly, sighing in total defeat – he really did think the world revolved around him…

"Never mind," Talim murmured flatly. "Anyway, what's the matter now, oh great one?"

"Oh, that's REAL funny, Talim! I'm in a mood already so I don't need any of your smartarse comments."

"Fine, don't tell me then…"

"Alright, I've had it with this STUPID bandana that I've been forced to wear!"

Yun Sung impatiently yanked the green bandana off from his head, revealing his gorgeous spiky red hair. He silently glared at the item clutched tightly in his hand. With a feral growl Yun Sung threw the bandana onto the ground then proceeded to stomp on it with one of his feet. While watching this, Talim bit down on her lower lip to stop herself from laughing out loud. In all her life she had NEVER witnessed something funny as this apart from the time she put itching powder in her male teacher's pants as he bossed her around too much. She must have made a noise because Yun Sung narrowed his eyes at her. Talim glanced away in embarrassment, blushing a bit.

"I swear, if they insist for me to wear that awful THING, I will shove my foot right up their arse so they can't sit down ever!" Yun Sung raged, glowering darkly. Talim chuckled gently, amused at the fact that he was angry by a simple thing like a bandana. It never ceased to amaze her that he was very obsessed with his looks. If anything was out of place or didn't look good on him then he would always throw a tantrum no matter what.

"I don't think it's awful, Yun Sung," she happily assured him. "Honestly I think it looks…sexy."

Her eyes travelled virginally over his exposed upper torso. She would often wonder what kind of body he kept under his clothes and now with his muscled torso on display, she couldn't help but to admire him. For a few seconds she stared dreamily at him, her grin widening even more. Yun Sung grunted as he crossed his arms firmly over his chest, pouting like a young child who had been refused sweets.

"Yeah, right!" he drawled sarcastically, causing Talim to frown deeply. "You're just saying that to make ME feel better!"

"That isn't true," she retorted stubbornly. Talim scowled when he shrugged his shoulders as if to say he couldn't less.

Needless to say, Talim expected something like that to happen. They were more or less two opposite sides of the same coin. Talim represented Yin while on the other hand Yun Sung represented Yang. She was more of a pacifist, trying her best to create a profound effect on her opponent with strong, hard-hitting words. Unfortunately he was a complete rebel, letting his fiery temper take over him while beating the absolute shit out of anyone without a care in the world.

Ever since their first meeting, it had not been easy at all. Whilst fighting, Talim cautioned him more than once, claiming that Soul Edge was tainted but being the arrogant young man he was, Yun Sung argued that the sword was the only way to save his homeland of Korea. To be honest Talim feared for Yun Sung as she was worried that the sword's power could corrupt his soul, making him a slave to the most darkest of desires. It was really plain to see that she did care for the eighteen year old Korean, but he was oblivious to her feelings. One good thing that came out of it was that Yun Sung now realised that Soul Edge was ultimately evil. Along their journey she prayed that she could convince him to see the errors of his ways and help her destroy the sword. However something told her she was going to have a lot of difficulty trying to achieve it…

"Anyway, you're lucky," Yun Sung remarked gently. He appeared to have calmed down slightly. "You don't have to wear a hat like me, Tal."

Talim stared down at the ground, not bothering to answer him. _I wonder what his reaction will be when I tell him…_Sighing softly, she reached inside the pocket of her shorts and pulled out something while Yun Sung watched curiously, scratching the back of his head absent-mindedly. What she revealed mildly surprised him.

She gave him a small smile while putting on her priestess hat. "Actually, I do!"

"Great, just FUCKING great!" he exclaimed rather loudly, throwing his arms up in annoyance. That had wiped the smile off Talim's face right away. "Now EVERYONE is going to think us two are a couple!"

"But, wait a minute…" Talim said lowly, getting to her feet and standing beside him. "I-I thought we ARE a couple."

"What, you seriously think that me and you…?"

Yun Sung broke off, looking as if he had seen a ghost from the past. Confusion laced Talim's features, wanting more than nothing to take back the words that came out of her mouth just then. _Maybe I have overstepped the line. _Just as Talim was about to ask him if he was alright, Yun Sung started to snigger. It wasn't before then he was roaring with laughter while doubling up, clutching his sides as if his life depended on it. Needless to say, Talim was not amused with the way he was acting. Why on earth was he laughing at a serious time like this? She impatiently planted her hands on her hips, not believing how immature Yun Sung was. After a good few minutes or so, he had finally stopped laughing, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Don't get me wrong, Talim, you're a sweet girl and all, but I don't like you in THAT way. We're friends and that's how it is going to be…"

"But what about all those times you told me you loved me, huh?" Talim protested, showing her displeasure, trying her damn best to show that what he said wasn't hurting her. In fact Talim felt like her heart was shattering into tiny pieces. "That you said that I was the only girl who filled your life with joy and significance!"

"Heh, I was drunk when I said that I loved you-"

"WHAT?!"

"-and I only said those things to accompany you on your journey to get more information on the sword. There, I've just said it! Are you happy now?"

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M HAPPY, YUN SUNG?!" Talim screamed, furiously advancing on a now stunned Yun Sung who was retreating backwards. She laid a punch on his arm. "HOW COULD YOU?!"

"Geez, you can't punch properly," Yun Sung told her, chuckling lightly. "Mina has done FAR worse to me than that."

"After all this time, I really thought you have changed, but I guess I was wrong," Talim told him, the emotion evident in her voice. "Trust me, your cockiness will be your downfall so don't come crying to me when you LOSE a fight!"

"Ha, I hardly doubt that," he confidently remarked, smirking. "I'm the best and don't you forget it."

At that moment, Talim turned red in the face with anger. "You…you…you," she spluttered. "YOU BIG DO-DO HEAD!"

Upon saying that, Talim started to blush a bright red while Yun Sung burst out laughing. God, she REALLY needed to work on her insults if she wanted to be seen as an adult…Only a child would say a thing like "Do-do head" but then again Talim weren't keen on using profanity and cursing. Great, now she has turned herself into a laughing stock! Without saying anything Yun Sung walked away with his head held up in triumph while she looked onwards, seriously tempted to throw a stick at him in the hopes of knocking him out.

"Hmm, what can I do now?" she sadly questioned herself, falling to her knees while pain tore at her heart. Just then an idea hit her. "I know…Sophitia!"

Meanwhile over in Athens, morning had just arrived and everyone was waking up to a glorious new day. In the Alexandra household Sophitia was busy in the kitchen, preparing breakfast while peacefully humming her Soul Blade theme tune, _Heavenly Engage,_ under her breath. On the other side of the living room, Patroklos and Pyrrha, her two beloved children, were happily playing with one another, their laughter of delight filling the air. Everything seemed quiet and relaxed until Rothion rapidly entered the room, appearing to be in a rush. Sophitia stopped what she was doing and stared at her husband.

"Aren't you going to have something to eat, dear?" she tenderly asked, watching Rothion as he downed a glass of milk in less a few seconds.

"Sorry, I don't have the time, my love." Rothion gave his wife a small gentle kiss before walking away from her, opening the front door. "I have a very important meeting today and I can't be late for it."

"Good luck," Sophitia wished him, blowing a kiss in his direction.

"Bye, daddy!" the children chorused. Rothion smiled to himself as he stepped out of the door.

"I'll see you in a few – ARGGHHH!"

His sentence was left unfinished as he saw Talim falling from the sky, screaming as she did so. Rothion's eyes widened in terror as he realised she was about to fall on him, not moving an inch due to the sheer state of shock he currently was in. Instantly Talim landed on top of him, forcing him to the floor in less than no time. Low groans emitted from the both of them. Talim slowly sat up, clutching her head gently then checking to see if she was alright. A smile appeared on her face and she chuckled.

"It's a good thing I landed on something supportive otherwise I might have been seriously injured!"

A muffled voice came from underneath her, "Please…get…off…me…right…now."

Talim glanced down, shocked to find out that she currently was squashing Rothion. She gasped as she hurried to get off him, staggering to her feet. Her hand rose up to cover her mouth, not knowing what to do. In a vain attempt she offered a hand to him as he tried to sit up.

"Oh, I do apologise," she said, helping Rothion to a standing position. "I honestly didn't mean-"

"Don't worry, you're forgiven," he interrupted, feeling his head throb. He was pretty sure that he was going to get a headache shortly – not a good thing at all. To find out what was going on, Sophitia came to the doorway, stunned to see Talim there.

"Talim?"

"Long time no see, Sophitia."

"Oh, Talim! What a lovely surprise!" The two women shared a loving embrace, pleased to see each other. Sophitia pulled back slightly and gently cupped the side of Talim's face. "How on earth did you get here?"

"The wind carried me here," Talim replied modestly.

"Has anyone told you what a strange little girl you are?" Rothion questioned while leaning against the doorframe casually.

Sophitia gave her husband a dark look. "Rothion!"

Before he could even protest his innocence, he was left standing there while Sophitia escorted the younger girl into the house. Rothion shrugged in response and followed the two women, closing the door behind him. Something told him he was going to be late for his meeting and the reason for this was in the form of this annoying priestess. Sophitia and Talim sat down next to each other on the settee and upon seeing the look of dismay on Talim's face, Sophitia was concerned.

"Talim, whatever is the matter?"

"It's-it's Yun Sung."

"I see…What has he done wrong now?"

"We…we had an argument and now he has gone," Talim murmured, sniffling sadly, feeling her eyes slightly watering. "He said he only travelled with me to find out more about Soul Edge, the idiot used me. Oh, I was a fool to believe he would have changed and see sense."

"Us women are flawed as we think we change men into what we want them to be," reminded Sophitia. Talim lowered her head, wallowing in her misery. "You had feelings for him, correct?"

"Yes," Talim whispered, her answer betraying her. "I loved him with all my heart, but the feeling wasn't mutual."

"Aww, you poor girl!"

"Looks like someone is suffering from PMS," Rothion teased, his eyes lighting up boyishly. Unfortunately this made the situation even worse as Talim burst into tears, crying helplessly. Sophitia gently placed her arms around the sobbing girl, pulling Talim closer to her for comfort and affection. Out of curiosity Pyrrha went over to the two females.

"Mummy, why is Aunt Talim crying?"

"Because your ignorant FOOL of a father couldn't keep his mouth shut," Sophitia answered her daughter while narrowing her eyes at Rothion. A few seconds later, she turned her attention to Talim, saying, "Okay, later on we can discuss this some more as I have to leave shortly to run some errands for my parents. Meanwhile Rothion can help cheer you up."

Rothion's mouth dropped open in surprise. "WHAT?! If you have forgotten already, I HAVE a meeting to go to!"

"Oh, I'm sure you can rearrange the meeting some other day, darling," she suggested, nodding as if to prove she was right. "Anyway you're good at making people happy – honestly you listen to my problems and you give good advice!"

"Ah, but there is a BIG difference," Rothion reasoned. "Talim isn't my wife – you are. Plus the fact I am forced to listening to your problems otherwise you nag me to death about it and won't leave me alone."

"Well, that's what married life is." Sophitia smiled gently. "In the end women will get their own way."

"Why did the Gods create women, I shall never know," Rothion muttered quietly, his head bowed down in defeat. For a moment he wondered if he were better off being single and not put up with Sophitia's ways of making him feel slightly stupid than before.

Half an hour later, Sophitia left along with the two children to go to her parents' house, leaving her husband completely alone with Talim. Thankfully the young girl had stopped crying, which pleased Rothion to a certain extent. Like a typical man, he was absolutely clueless on what he should and should not do when a woman is bawling their eyes out. Normally Rothion would say the wrong things at the wrong time and every time he was rewarded with a hit by the female in the process – that was mostly why he didn't want to get involved.

Right now Talim was outside in the front, practicing with her tonfas, which was her most favoured weapon of all time. They had never let her down in battle, not even once. Meanwhile Rothion was sitting on a wooden bench with a bored expression on his face, having to suffer from Talim's constant complaining about Yun Sung. He sighed deeply – this wasn't how he envisioned his morning would go…_Blah, blah, blah! That's all women are good that, talking a person to death! _Honestly what did he have to do to damn well MAKE her shut the hell up?

"I swear, if I happen to meet him again sooner or later, I'm just going to ignore him," Talim announced as she twirled her tonfas around then followed it up with a lower swipe then a rising kick. "If he think that he will able to sweet-talk me then he has another think coming! Isn't that right, Rothion?"

The Greek man just gritted his teeth in response, on the verge of snapping. "Yes…"

Talim didn't reply, too busy focusing on her training, lost in the intensity of the moment. The silence lingered like a horrible stench in the air and Rothion couldn't take it any longer – there was so much that a man could take for the love of God. Rothion peered from left to right, making sure his SWEET wife didn't appear out of thin air to catch him in the act. Knowing Sophitia, she would scowl him and not speak to him for the rest of the day. In seeing that the cost was clear, a crafty grin appeared on his face as he stood up, starting to creep away quietly without Talim even noticing.

Images of Yun Sung filled Talim's mind as the sound of his mocking laughter echoed loudly in her ears. A low growl emitted from her throat.

"Oh, I only said those things to you when I was drunk! Oh, you really thought we were a couple – what a STUPID brat you are!" Talim said, imitating Yun Sung, imaging him standing not so far away from her.

Her moves with her weapons were starting to become more wilder and aggressive, something that she had never done in her entire life before. Just even thinking about Yun Sung was making her angry! Damn him for making her feel this way…With a loud cry, Talim executed a strong horizontal swipe with one of her tonfas, overdoing the attack. It wasn't before then she heard a surprised yell which was followed by a slight thud in the process. She stood still on the spot, just standing there with a confused expression on her face.

"Rothion?" she questioned gently, wondering why the hell he wasn't saying anything at all.

Talim gasped as she turned around to see Rothion's dead body lying on the floor. To make things even worse, his head had been severed! She bit her lip nervously, realising that she went a LITTLE too far with the strike at the end._ Oh God, I'm in trouble now! Great, now I'm going straight to Hell for this..._Out of sheer panic, Talim was on the verge of running until she spotted some white bed sheets hanging on a washing line nearby. Quickly she grabbed it and covered Rothion's corpse and head with the sheet.

"I just hope I don't get caught for this!" Talim exclaimed while fleeing the scene.

**A/N: **The whole exchange with Talim and Yun Sung about the hats was a joke that I came up with as I was thinking what if some characters decided to complain about their attire that they have to wear in Soul Calibur 4. Talking of SC4, my copy arrived on the last day of July as beforehand my dad pre-ordered it for me so yeah, you could say I'm lucky. Anyway the game is so fucking awesome and personally, this is the best in the series. When I first got the game, the first character I used was Siegfried as I was unable to resist him ;-) Only one thing that could be improved is the Story Mode as the cut scenes didn't seem to fit in with the story I think.


	7. Death by Yoshimitsu

**Hey guys! My name's Marth1752! If you read Super Smash Bros fics, you might know me from my stories ****The Marvelous Misadventures of Snake**** or ****Smash High****. I'm not advertising them if you haven't read them or anything!(Makes a shady-looking face) Anyway, my chapter is about Yoshimitsu, the crazy yet courteous bandit! He is, personally, one of my favorite characters because of his crazy moves, such as, and this is the name I give it anyway, the Sword ROFLcopter! Lol, anyway, on with the chapter!**

Death by Yoshimitsu

Rothion pounded at the yellow-hot metal with his trusty blacksmith's hammer. He was fashioning a new type of weapon that he had learned about from a passing traveler: the katana. Apparently, it was a common type of weapon in the country called Japan.

_"By the gods, this is a complicated weapon!"_ Rothion thought. The katana's blade was hard to fashion, for if it was cooled incorrectly, it would revert to iron. He had already broken quite a few blades that way. He quickly placed the steel into the water for it to cool off. He slowly pulled it out- and the blade held together! _"Yes!" _He brought the blade to his whetstone and sharpened it. He dusted it down and walked over to a wooden dummy he crafted. He stood in a samurai stance and swung the blade. It cut the dummy right in half.

"Perfect!" he yelled. "I finally got it right!" He placed the blade down on the shelf where he kept his best weapons. As he looked at the weapon in satisfaction, he heard a whirring noise. He grabbed one of the swords on the shelf and got ready to defend himself. A man landed in front of him. He was wearing green and purple clothing and a squid mask, for some reason. He also had a flag on his back and held a katana that was in rather bad shape. The strange man sheathed his weapon.

"I mean thee no harm, humble smith!" he said. "My name is Yoshimitsu!"

"OK...might I ask why you are here?" Rothion asked. "Huh?" Yoshimitsu had disappeared.

"Yes, thou may!" Yoshimitsu yelled. He had reappeared behind Rothion. Rothion screamed in fear and jumped away from Yoshimitsu. They stared at each other for a couple minutes. "Well? Art thou going to ask why I am here?"

"Um...yeah...why are you here?"

"A fine question, sir smith! My blade, Yoshimitsu, seems to hath broken! Can thou fix it?" Rothion smiled, confident that he could do it, seeing as how he had just fashioned one.

"But of course! I am quite the expert blacksmith, you know!"

"Excellent!" Yoshimitsu handed Rothion the weapon and he set to work.

---

Rothion placed the weapon in his fire. He was slightly nervous, as Yoshimitsu seemed to be staring at him, although he couldn't tell because of the mask.

"Um, Yoshimitsu, was it? Could you back up a little? I work best...while not being watched."

"Of course! If it makes mine blade perfect, it shalt be done!" Yoshimitsu walked outside and sat down. He began to chant the word "namu" over and over.

_"OK...strange man..."_ Rothion thought. He brought the blade out of the fire and began to work it.

_After many hours of work..._

Rothion stuck the weapon in the water. It looked perfect. He sharpened it on his whetstone and walked over to where Yoshimitsu was.

"It's finished! Yoshimitsu...?" He was gone again!

"Art thou searching for me?" Yoshimitsu asked. He was on the ceiling, meditating. He fell down and landed on his feet. "I thank thee, noble smith! And now, I must be off!" He walked out of Rothion's building and jumped in the air. He began to twirl his blade around and around in the air and he flew off. Rothion just stared.

"OK..." he said. Just as he walked into the building again, he heard a scream and a thud.

"Villain!" Yoshimitsu screamed. He had appeared in front of Rothion. "Thou hadst not fixed mine blade!"

"Um, it was an accident! I swear!"

"If thou say so..." Yoshimitsu said. He stabbed himself in the stomach and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"What is wrong with him?" Rothion thought out loud. He opened the door to his building and a wooden arm shot out and punched him in the face, knocking him over. Yoshimitsu picked him up and threw him into the air. Rothion landed on his stomach. Yoshimitsu spun around and stopped behind Rothion. Everything began to move in slow-motion. Yoshimitsu raised his other katana and looked down at Rothion's neck. Before Rothion could do anything, Yoshimitsu decapitated him. Autumn leaves fell around him.

"The deed is done! Now to find an honorable smith!" He flew away again, using his good katana.

**AE87: **LMAO! Man, Yoshimitsu was really funny in this one. But yeah, he's an ace character and I loved how he punched Rothion in the face before doing his Critical Finisher on him. Anyway I must apologise for not being on here on such a long hence that is what explains my lack of updates, but as I'm speaking I am working on A Problem Aired is A Problem Shared (as I've been having massive writers block on it) and also my other fictions too. I would like to thank those who have reviewed for this so far - you're awesome!


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